


Kanaya's Lament (or) A Starchild Lost in Darkness

by madd47



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/F, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22889728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madd47/pseuds/madd47
Summary: Kanaya reflects on the path that led her to the depths of the cosmos, Roxy makes some bomb chowder, and Dave gets dancing lessons.
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Kanaya's Lament (or) A Starchild Lost in Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time making a fic on here, and I have no clue how to format it. If you've got any advice, please give it below! Thanks for your reading <3

Kanaya Maryam was the daughter of starlight.

There were times, as she gazed out onto the infinite magnanimity of the universe, that she longed for simpler times, before she dared to load Sollux’s game on her lunchtop. The memories of resting under the cool trees as the red sun beat down and the wind whipping the large colorful sails of her exquisite fabrics brought her a strange nostalgia. She could almost hear the faint, buzzing wings of her lusus or her chittering from the hammock she had made from the softest fleece.

Kanaya lived a simple life in a bright world of color and warmth. She was proud of the world she and her lusus had raised from the sweltering hell around her. She enjoyed resting against the virgin grub’s abdomen, smiling up at the tower she had brought color to or reading the bits of unmoderated rainbow literature that she had been raised upon.

Times were easy. Times were good.

From a dry world of a burning red star, her world was tossed askew into a world of water under a single fecund light. Her home of comfort and safety had been replaced with vast oceans, churning dangerously below her, and whipping coastal winds. Cyclopean beams of light bore into the depths of her world. The warmth she had found solace in was long gone now; she was alone in a cold world of dark seas and fleeting light. She knew there was a chance it could kill her -- whatever loomed in the distance knew that too.

Kanaya thought she knew what Space represented back in her antediluvian naivete. She believed it was the concrete, the physical, the grand darkness beyond the atmosphere. The spined serpent told her otherwise. She spoke, from her snowy maw, intricate yarns. Her voice was so soft, so motherly that Kanaya was inclined to take the deal she attempted to forge.

**_Make your choice._ **

Before being brought to this flooded world, Kanaya had hardly used her chainsaw as a weapon. She viewed it as a tool to bring forth new life -- be it old, groaning trees or a fallen matriarch. However, she made an exception every now and then.

Part of her regretted killing Echidna. As she wiped the denizen’s blood from the teeth of her chainsaw, she felt a strange sense of dread rising. Her friends did not help. “Wait and see” seemed to be the nature of her aspect. Kanaya would admit, she had her doubts, but she trusted the guide to her attempts and bringing life to this world:

**The Tentacle Therapist.**

Looking back on her girlhood crush, Kanaya would often laugh and shrug it off. She was a lonely girl, crushed by flushed ambitions and snubbed to her role of auxiliatrix. However, at the time, Kanaya gave way to fantasy. A highblood with the most charming prose and an enthralling structure to her guide haunted Kanaya’s thoughts whenever the omnipresent file was glanced to on her monitor. With her as a well-learned guide, Kanaya felt more secure.

They fought hard to reach the platform with the glowing doorway. Fighting an enemy with the power of a small outer god and winning was something that she was supposed to be proud of, after all. Despite the deck being stacked against her, she believed she could rest in this new universe that she breathed life into.

What happened the moment Jack Noir came was well-documented by the many metallic rustbloods floating around them. She only recognized that she had not escaped to the new universe when she appeared in a pile with the rest of her friends in the Veil.

As sad as it may seem, Kanaya only found one light in the overwhelming, churning sea of disappointment she was pushed about in.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix** **[ GA]** **began trolling tentacleTherapist** **[ TT]** **\--**

Kanaya was mostly confident in her abilities as a troll. She believed, at first, she was doing well. Her friends had seemed to become quite good at trolling the others who called her Genesis Frog home. Why not try it herself? She chose a point on the timeline and struck.

Kanaya often thought back on her attempts to troll Rose with the grace of hindsight as a foolish attempt to quell her seedling crush by emulating the (admittedly brash) mannerisms. Rose’s eloquent wordplay, however, only seemed to totally undo any efforts she tried to make. After a time, Rose became something more than a victim of trolling. Kanaya still blushed to admit that, during these times, she had developed a harsh flush crush for Rose.

She believed she knew Rose when they first began to speak as friends instead of troll and trollee. She thought she could predict the mannerisms of the ambitious, eloquent young woman presented to her through her computer monitor. Seeing her embrace darkness and become unviewable taught Kanaya that not even “ **The Tentacle Therapist** ” was infallible. However, she hardly had time to think on that now. She needed to embrace what she truly was for a moment.

Kanaya never believed she would experience death quite like this. Death by an eldritch being’s powerful cry seemed more likely than betrayal by someone who she treated as a friend. She had her heart broken in one quadrant before; now it was broken in more than one.

Kanaya Maryam was a child of starlight. Never before had she taken her throne; not until the day she embraced her destiny.

**[** **Wake up.** **]**

Blood never tasted good before. The one time the jade blood of her lusus, she gagged. Frankly, she could not understand why any of the creatures in her rainbow novels would enjoy the flavor. Now, blood was her power. She did not discriminate -- teal, fuchsia, any caste she could find. The hole in her stomach ached, throbbed. She needed to survive.

Part of Kanaya Maryam died there. No longer was she the naive girl she came into this world as. Now, she was something stronger. There was a strange satisfaction in following the instincts that rose up in her undeath. She had held her anger on the leash for long enough. This was going to be cathartic.

Kanaya believed she had turned over a new leaf by becoming something more than she was before. She certainly _felt_ new. Yet, when she laid her eyes upon the Seer, something struck her. Rose was shorter than she expected. Her golden hair had dark flecks in it. Most, if not all, of Kanaya’s implicit assumptions about her repressed crush had been undone and replaced with something new: enamorment.

Their time on the meteor was a dream. With the help of her former flushcrush, Kanaya saw Rose (sober, by her gentle asking) flourish. They grew into something greater than just a flushed pairing. Kanaya learned who she was in Rose’s embrace. For the first time since she had left the desert, she felt safe.

This was life.

Kanaya and Rose married on a sweet spring day in the world they shaped with their friends. While the ritual was one the troll was not too experienced with in a practical sense, she quickly adapted to the many rituals. The joyous shouting, the waving on chairs -- a bit dangerous, but very, very fun.

Life with Rose was more than she could ever hope for. Kanaya embraced the aspect assigned to her so long ago and raised the new Mother Grub. Rose worked on her writing in the comfort of their apartment. For a time, life was good.

Then, it wasn’t.

Rose became sick. Kanaya found her enthusiasm in her work fading as her worries for her wife grew and grew. In the backdrop, a political storm was brewing. The world was on the precipice of a cataclysm; Kanaya wanted no part of it. Yet, closed eyes never stopped the crashing of the tidal wave.

Before she knew it, Rose was gone. The woman she had loved wholly and truly for so many years had been taken away by the Prince of Heart. There was something poetic in the Destroyer of Heart shattering Kanaya’s by taking the one who she had promised to love for the rest of her life. She was content for a time, falling back on her old habit of suppression.

Then the rage came. Like the forge that catastrophically changed the very world she once called home, Kanaya changed once more. Another piece of the girl in the desert died. Kanaya was in a strange serenity now; Rose was not her balance anymore.

**Kanaya Maryam had a mission, and she**

**DAVE: hey i hate to interrupt**   
**DAVE: and i mean believe me the last thing i want is to intrude on your me time**   
**DAVE: but roxy made dinner**   
**DAVE: hes dishin this shit out first come first serve**   
**DAVE: and for an omnipotent god callijade is eating this shit up fast**   
**DAVE: do you want me to bring you a bowl**   
**KANAYA: Oh**  
**KANAYA: ...**  
**KANAYA: Thank You But**  
**KANAYA: I Am Not Hungry**   
**DAVE: you sure**   
**DAVE: when was the last time you ate**

Kanaya shrugs, offering a small, peaceful smile.

**KANAYA: Not For Some Time**  
**KANAYA: It Is Like Sleeping I Guess**  
**DAVE:**  
**DAVE: if i brought you some would you eat it though**

Kanaya glanced back up to him from where she sat on the observation deck, gazing to where the eyes hid in the shadow of Dave Strider.

**KANAYA: It Would Be Rude  
KANAYA: Roxy Is Quite A Cook**

The passage of time has become of very little importance to Kanaya. Gazing out at the thousand of stars before her, she could only see her face among them. Among the cacophony of the universe ( **STOP IT.** ) ( **hand eye coordination man!!** ), Kanaya could only hear Rose.

Dave returned rather shortly, sitting down by Rose’s side in the all-too-familiar observation deck with two steaming bowls of a milky dish. Dave settled Kanaya’s in her lap before taking his seat, starting scoop his up with a comically-large spoon.

**KANAYA: Thank You Again  
KANAYA: I Am not Totally Sure What This Is But It Looked Appetizing**  
**DAVE: i think its a chowder**   
**DAVE: pretty good**   
**DAVE: only ever had campbells before so idk**   
**DAVE: roxys apparently fuckin master chef up in there**   
**KANAYA: Yes Of Course** **  
** **KANAYA: ...** **  
** **KANAYA: Dave**  
**KANAYA: May I Ask You A Personal Question**   
**DAVE: if your question is “why the hell are your pants so short”  
DAVE: blame karkat  
KANAYA: Hahaha No It Is Not That  
KANAYA: It Is  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: Do You Hate Dirk  
DAVE: honestly thats a loaded question  
DAVE: i mean sometimes i would see him and have to pinch myself  
DAVE: like holy shit dude its him  
DAVE: given my whole background with that  
DAVE: but  
DAVE: i cant say i ever hated him  
DAVE: call it abuse or call it me trying to move on and give him a chance  
DAVE: this though  
DAVE: this cant be excused  
DAVE: hes blood but im not gonna give him a free pass for stealing my sister and whatever puppeteer bullshit he might have in store  
DAVE: even now i cant say i hate him  
DAVE: i aint about to wax poetic about what kinda shakespearean woe i feel because the man who i idolized suddenly turned into some cold motherfucker  
DAVE: i mean like i said before  
DAVE: a lotta shit has gone down  
DAVE: but i mean like damn  
DAVE: its hard to say  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: I Wish I Could Go Back  
KANAYA: Perhaps Find Some Way To Undo This Grand Fuckery  
KANAYA: At Least One Dance  
KANAYA: Or Perhaps I Am Trying To Worm Out Of My Grief  
KANAYA: I Am Not Sure  
DAVE: youre not alone in that  
DAVE: sometimes i think about what signs i couldve spotted  
DAVE: or what i couldve done to stop him  
DAVE: but like ten years of time bullshit has taught me  
DAVE: going back to try and solve shit sounds appealing  
DAVE: but its not  
DAVE: i know how you feel kan  
DAVE: i  
DAVE: i miss her too  
DAVE: and sometimes i think i took her for granted  
DAVE: i always had her yknow  
DAVE: shes my sister  
DAVE: and shes your wife  
DAVE: thats enough reason for me to travel across the asscrack of the galaxy  
DAVE: i mean its one hell of a view but still kinda an asscrack  
DAVE: if anything its almost funny how im cosmically drawn to asscracks  
DAVE: like damn i suddenly realized the overarching theme of my life  
DAVE: you know **

****

He looked so much like Rose. She could see a familiar pain in his eyes.

**KANAYA: Dave  
KANAYA: Would You Like To Dance**

Dance they did. Although with shuffling feet with atrophied skill, they did dance. With each step, the hooded rainbow drinker and the Knight of Time shared a silent connection. They had both lost someone they loved, and they were both determined to see her again.

Kanaya pictured the dance she had with Rose at their wedding. It was an endearing sight for all around. Kanaya had bent down just slightly to accommodate for her wife's shorter stature. She allowed Rose to take the lead because Kanaya, as someone put it, had "two left feet." She remembered Rose leaning up to Kanaya’s pointed ear and whispering, ever so delicately...

**ROSE: I love you. I’ll be yours forever if you’ll have me.**

That was why she fought for this. She had a request to answer.


End file.
